THE DAILY FEED

The Finest Seahawks Satire Freshly Laid Every Morning


ISSUE #26

Free Agency Gave Schneider Depth. The Draft Has To Give Him Starters. Here’s What That Looks Like.

A week into free agency and the Seahawks’ roster has the general shape of a team that won the Super Bowl five weeks ago, minus roughly half the people who actually did the winning. Kenneth Walker III is in Kansas City. Boye Mafe is in Cincinnati. Riq Woolen is in Philadelphia. Coby Bryant is in Chicago. Dareke Young followed Kubiak to Las Vegas. The emotional support running back, Emanuel Wilson, is here on a deal worth up to $2.1 million. And John Schneider is doing what John Schneider does: sitting on $31 million in cap space, stockpiling comp pick equity, and staring at a draft board with four selections.

Today’s Seahawks Wire mock draft, published by Justin Melo, laid out the framework. The Seahawks don’t have a third cornerback behind Devon Witherspoon and Josh Jobe after losing Woolen. They don’t have a lead running back after Wilson’s signing was described by SI as a “depth move” that “does not address the actual need.” And they need an edge rusher for the day after tomorrow, because Mafe is gone, Lawrence may retire, and Nwosu’s $19.99 million cap hit is the kind of number that gives accountants night terrors.

The mock has Seattle taking Tennessee cornerback Colton Hood at No. 32, calling him “incredibly athletic and competitive” with technique that’s “a work in progress.” At No. 64, it’s Arkansas running back Mike Washington Jr., who ran a 4.33-second 40-yard dash at the Combine. At No. 96, edge rusher Derrick Moore out of Michigan. The logic: Schneider “loves drafting an EDGE a year early.” That’s not analysis, that’s a personality profile.

Here’s the thing nobody wants to say out loud: four picks isn’t enough. Not for a team losing this much. Schneider either needs to trade back for more ammunition, find a way to pry Greenard from Minnesota at the Day 2 price that’s been reported, or hit on all four selections at a rate that would make the 2012 draft class jealous. The math doesn’t work otherwise. But the math has never stopped this front office before.

SOURCES →

The Greenard Clock Is Ticking. The Eagles Are Cutting In Line. And Seattle’s Waiting For A Phone That May Never Ring.

Keep Reading ↓

Jordan Schultz reported on March 13 that the Vikings are actively “trying to trade him.” The Eagles remain the most aggressive suitor. Per Dianna Russini of The Athletic, Philadelphia “continue[s] to inquire” and is “in contact with his agent about a potential extension if a deal were to be struck.” That’s not casual interest. That’s Howie Roseman measuring the drapes.

The reported price is a Day 2 pick. Schefter said on the Pat McAfee Show that a trade is “more likely than not.” Greenard has two years left on his four-year, $76 million deal, but the $38 million in guarantees have already been paid out. He wants a raise. Philly is apparently willing to give him one.

Seattle is confirmed in the mix alongside the Colts, Cowboys, and Eagles. But “in the mix” and “making the call” are very different things when you have four total draft picks and the other team is offering an extension you can’t match without blowing up the JSN and Witherspoon timelines. If Philly closes this deal, Seattle’s edge room on Opening Day is Uchenna Nwosu (a cut candidate whose case for staying gets stronger every day the alternatives disappear), Derick Hall, and DeMarcus Lawrence, who is, per his former teammate Johnathan Hankins, “still out there partying, enjoying” the Super Bowl win. Which is fine. Until it isn’t.

SOURCES →

Around the Coop

Alvin Kamara watch continues. Saints coach Kellen Moore was asked about Kamara’s future after signing Travis Etienne to a four-year, $52 million deal and responded with “We’d like to go through that process, certainly.” That’s coach-speak for “we haven’t figured out how to tell him yet.” Kamara rushed for a career-low 471 yards in 2025 and his cap hit was just restructured down to $10.51 million. Seattle still needs a running back. The math is right there on the chalkboard. NOLA.com

The 49ers got a $20.7 million salary cap boost from 2026 adjustments, the second-largest in the NFL. Over $7 million of that came from an insurance policy on Nick Bosa’s contract after his season-ending ACL tear. The rest is believed to include policies on Fred Warner, Brock Purdy, and possibly George Kittle. San Francisco’s injury catastrophe is literally paying for their offseason. Only Kyle Shanahan could lose half his roster and somehow profit from it. 49ers Webzone

Noah Igbinoghene, former first-round pick, signed a one-year deal with Seattle on Saturday. The 25-year-old cornerback was the Dolphins’ 30th overall pick in 2020 and has bounced through Dallas and Washington since. He had 35 tackles and five passes defensed in 15 games with the Commanders last year. He’s not Riq Woolen. Nobody is Riq Woolen. But he’s a body in a cornerback room that desperately needs them. Field Gulls

The A.J. Brown saga took another turn. After The Athletic reported “serious conversations” between the Eagles, Rams, and Patriots, Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio wrote Saturday that the Rams have “tapped out of the talks.” The Eagles will not trade Brown “at this time” and any deal would “likely heat up closer to June 1.” So LA won’t be fielding Nacua, Adams, AND Brown. Somewhere in Seattle, a defensive coordinator just exhaled for the first time in a week. Heavy

RAMS

The Rams spent the first week of free agency trying to acquire every talented player in the NFL. They traded for Trent McDuffie. They signed Jaylen Watson. They kicked the tires on A.J. Brown, who would have given them a receiving corps of Nacua, Adams, and Brown, which is less of a depth chart and more of an All-Pro ballot. The good news for Seattle: Florio reported Saturday that the Rams “tapped out of the talks” on Brown. The bad news: they tapped out because they already have enough firepower to invade a small country. They still haven’t extended Puka Nacua, whose Spotrac market value sits at $36.5 million per year, and Matthew Stafford will turn 39 in February. This team is building a time bomb and daring Father Time to cut the wrong wire.

NINERS

The 49ers received a $20.7 million salary cap adjustment this week, the second-largest in the league, largely because their star players kept getting hurt in 2025 and triggering insurance policies. Nick Bosa’s ACL tear alone accounted for over $7 million. Bosa, Warner, Purdy, and Kittle all missed significant time, and now their collective misery is bankrolling San Francisco’s offseason shopping spree. They signed Mike Evans. They traded for Osa Odighizuwa. They brought back Dre Greenlaw. And Deebo Samuel is a free agent who George Kittle has been publicly recruiting back to the Bay. Only the 49ers could turn a season of devastating injuries into a cap advantage and then spend it on a 32-year-old receiver and a linebacker coming off an Achilles tear. We respect the audacity.

CARDINALS

Arizona’s QB situation has reached the stage of the offseason where people are writing articles about whether Aaron Rodgers might sign there. Rodgers, who is 42 and a free agent, recently said on The Pat McAfee Show that there’s “no contract offer or anything” and he’s “enjoying my time with my wife.” The Cardinals’ current quarterback room is Jacoby Brissett and Gardner Minshew. SI floated a trade for 49ers backup Brandon Allen as an “ideal” fit, then immediately acknowledged the 49ers would demand an “astronomical” price to help a division rival. Mike LaFleur’s first year as head coach is going to feature a quarterback competition between two men whose combined career record as starters wouldn’t fill a playoff bracket. Trey McBride deserves better.

Shaun Alexander remains the Seattle Seahawks’ all-time leader in rushing touchdowns with 100. During his record-breaking 2005 MVP season, Alexander tied an NFL single-season record with 27 rushing touchdowns. Whose record did Alexander tie that year?

Tap to Reveal the Answer

Priest Holmes, who set the record with 27 rushing touchdowns for the Kansas City Chiefs in 2003. (LaDainian Tomlinson broke it the following year with 28.)

2008

Marcus Trufant Signs Multiyear Extension

On March 16, 2008, the Seahawks signed Pro Bowl cornerback Marcus Trufant to a multiyear extension. Trufant, the team’s 2003 first-round pick, had started 94 games in his first six seasons and was coming off a career-best seven interceptions in 2007 that earned him his first Pro Bowl selection.

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Week of March 16, 2026

The Arizona Cardinals Quarterback Room

N/A · QB1/QB2/QB???

We’ve given this award to individual players. We’ve given it to entire franchises. This week, we’re giving it to a concept: the idea that Jacoby Brissett and Gardner Minshew constitute an NFL quarterback room in a division that includes Sam Darnold, Matthew Stafford, and Brock Purdy.

The Cardinals released Kyler Murray, who promptly signed with the Vikings for the veteran minimum while Arizona continues to pay him $36.8 million to play elsewhere. Their answer at QB was signing Minshew to a one-year deal and floating the idea of trading for the 49ers’ third-string quarterback, which SI acknowledged would come at an “astronomical” price because no NFC West team is going to help Arizona for cheap. Then, this week, writers started suggesting Aaron Rodgers as a possibility. Rodgers. Who is 42. And has “no contract offer or anything.”

Meanwhile, Trey McBride caught 126 passes for 1,239 yards and 11 touchdowns last year, and Marvin Harrison Jr. exists. These two deserve a quarterback, not a support group. The Cardinals are the Seachicken of the Week because sometimes the cruelest thing in football isn’t losing. It’s making your best players watch while you figure out which journeyman gets to throw them the ball.

1-11

Brissett’s record as a starter in 2025

$36.8M

Arizona still paying Murray to play in Minnesota

126

Trey McBride receptions in 2025, begging for a real QB

Got a Question? Yell Into the Void.

We read every submission. We answer the good ones. We silently judge the ones that ask if we should trade for Lamar Jackson. Drop your question, your name, and your neighborhood, and you might see it in an upcoming issue.

See you tomorrow. — The Rooster