THE DAILY FEED

The Finest Seahawks Satire Freshly Laid Every Morning


ISSUE #22

Everyone Else Is Spending Like Drunk Sailors. Schneider Is Sitting In A Quiet Room, Doing Math.

Here’s what the defending Super Bowl champions did on Day 1 of the official league year: they tendered Jake Bobo, re-signed long snapper Chris Stoll, and brought back swing tackle Josh Jones. That’s it. That’s the offseason so far.

While the rest of the NFL was setting money on fire, the Seahawks were the picture of deliberate restraint. Per The News Tribune’s Gregg Bell, the seven teams that spent the most in the first day of free agency had a combined 2025 record of 37-82. The Seahawks spent $75 million keeping Shaheed and Jobe. They went 17-3 and won the Super Bowl.

There’s a method to Schneider’s quiet. The Spokesman-Review’s Bob Condotta noted that with Shaheed back, Seattle can return every starter or significant player on offense except Kenneth Walker. The draft is deep at edge rusher and cornerback, the two positions where departures hurt most. And Schneider told reporters at the Combine that he intends to reserve cap space for midseason trade-deadline moves, the same strategy that landed him Shaheed, Ernest Jones, and Leonard Williams in previous years.

The bigger picture is the one that explains everything: JSN and Devon Witherspoon extensions are coming this summer. Those deals could be worth $40 million and $30 million per year, respectively. Every dollar Schneider doesn’t spend in March is a dollar he can funnel into signing bonuses that lock up the franchise’s two best young players for the next half-decade. The Seahawks aren’t being cheap. They’re being patient in a way that only a team with a ring can afford to be.

But patience has limits. The running back room is George Holani and hope. The edge rush room just lost Boye Mafe to Cincinnati and might lose DeMarcus Lawrence to his recliner. At some point, the phone has to go from receiving calls to making them. If the Rachaad White intel from NFL Network’s Mike Garafolo is right, that call might be coming soon.

SOURCES →

The Eagles Are Trying To Steal Jonathan Greenard. Seattle’s In Line, But Philly’s Cutting.

Keep Reading ↓

The Athletic’s Dianna Russini reported Wednesday that the Eagles continue to inquire about Greenard and remain in contact with his agent about a potential extension. That’s significant. Minnesota giving Philadelphia permission to negotiate an extension means the Vikings are serious about moving him. The asking price remains a Day 2 pick, per multiple reporters.

Seattle is among the teams in the mix, per Evan Sidery, alongside the Colts, Cowboys, and Eagles. But Philly is playing this the most aggressively. The Eagles lost Jaelan Phillips to Carolina on a four-year, $120 million deal, missed on Hendrickson, and still have Howie Roseman’s legendary willingness to pull the trigger. Minnesota has Andrew Van Ginkel and 2024 first-round pick Dallas Turner already at the position, with Turner breaking out for eight sacks and 15 QB hits last season. The Vikings have depth. They want the pick.

For the Seahawks, the math is tricky. Greenard has two years left on his four-year, $76 million contract with a $19 million salary for 2026. He’s also coming off a down year: just three sacks in 12 games after back-to-back 12-sack seasons. With only four draft picks, parting with a second or third-round selection stings when the team also needs to draft a running back.

The case for doing it anyway: Mafe is gone. Lawrence might retire. Derick Hall is the only signed edge rusher with a long-term future. Rylie Mills is healthy and ascending, but he’s an interior player learning the edge. The cupboard isn’t bare, it’s been raided. If Seattle wants Greenard, they need to stop monitoring and start bidding. Because Howie Roseman doesn’t monitor. He acquires.

SOURCES →

Around the Coop

Jake Bobo lives. After initial reports said he wouldn’t be tendered, the Seahawks reversed course and slapped a right-of-first-refusal tender on the fan-favorite receiver, valued at $3.52 million. ESPN notes he projects no higher than fifth on the depth chart behind JSN, Kupp, Shaheed, and Tory Horton. He caught two passes in 2025. Both of them mattered. That’s the Bobo experience. Field Gulls

The Maxx Crosby saga is somehow still going. After the Ravens backed out of their two-first-round-picks trade due to a failed physical, Crosby committed to staying in Las Vegas. CBS Sports put it perfectly: Baltimore called off the wedding and married someone else the next morning. The Raiders are livid. The rest of the NFL is taking notes. And the Seahawks are watching from a safe distance, holding their four draft picks close. ESPN

Rachaad White watch continues. NFL Network’s Mike Garafolo called White a “fallback” option for Seattle and said he’s expecting something to happen “in the near future.” White rushed for 572 yards on 132 carries (4.3 YPC) with four touchdowns for Tampa Bay in 2025 and added 40 receptions. Spotrac projects a two-year, $5.9 million deal. That’s less than what KW3 will make in a single game in Kansas City. The Schneider discount aisle is open. Heavy

The 2027 comp pick haul is looking gorgeous. Seattle received zero compensatory picks for 2026 thanks to last year’s Darnold and Lawrence signings, but with Walker, Mafe, Bryant, and Woolen all walking on big contracts, Field Gulls projects multiple comp picks in 2027. Schneider lost the players and might win the picks back. The man is playing a different game than the rest of us. Field Gulls

RAMS

The Rams signed cornerback Jaylen Watson to a three-year deal worth up to $51 million, adding yet another former Chief to their secondary alongside Trent McDuffie. Watson hasn’t allowed a touchdown in two seasons per one analysis. Sean McVay looked at the team that beat him and decided the solution was to literally become them. At this rate, he’ll be signing Patrick Mahomes’ personal barista by the draft.

NINERS

San Francisco traded a third-round pick to Dallas for defensive tackle Osa Odighizuwa, who comes attached to a $16.25 million salary and three years left on an $80 million contract. The 49ers finished dead last in the NFL with 20 sacks last season, so the desperation tracks. Kyle Shanahan looked at that sack total, looked at the price tag, and decided a third-rounder was worth it to occasionally pressure a quarterback. Welcome to San Francisco, Osa. The bar is literally on the floor.

CARDINALS

The Kyler Murray era in Arizona is officially over. The Cardinals released their former No. 1 pick on Wednesday, and Murray is visiting the Vikings today to presumably become JJ McCarthy’s very expensive mentor. Arizona is still on the hook for $36.8 million in guaranteed money to a quarterback who now plays elsewhere, while their new starting QB is Jacoby Brissett, who went 1-11 as a starter last year. They also signed Gardner Minshew as a backup for $8 million. This franchise is paying three quarterbacks a combined $46 million to go 4-13 again.

The Seahawks’ 2025 defense allowed a league-low 3.7 yards per carry, anchored by the interior duo of Leonard Williams and Byron Murphy II. Williams was acquired via a midseason trade in 2023 from a team that was rebuilding. Which franchise did Seattle trade with to land Big Leonard?

Tap to Reveal the Answer

The New York Giants. Seattle acquired Williams during the 2023 season, and he went on to become a cornerstone of the Seahawks’ dominant defensive front.

Got a Question? Got a Rant? Got a Theory About Why Schneider Is Secretly a Genius?

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See you tomorrow. — The Rooster